Welcome to Visionaries Pursuit, a podcast where we explore what it takes to turn your bold and inspiring ideas into reality. I'm Carolina Zuleta. I'm a life and a business coach and your host for this podcast. I'm thrilled to have you here. Hello, hello, and welcome to episode eight of the Visionaries Pursuit podcast.
Hello, hello, and welcome to episode nine of the Visionaries Pursuit Podcast. Before I jump into today's episode, I want to take a minute to say thank you. Thank you to all of you who've been listening week after week, who've sent me emails and voice notes saying how much you appreciate this content. It really means the world to me.
And I'm going to ask you, if you have two seconds to please go ahead and rate the podcast, it will really help us to reach more people. Being a coach. Allows me to see up close the lives of people that you usually see from a distance, the COOs, the VPs, the people that we see up there in leadership or the athletes or the creatives who are in TV.
And we think, well, life has been so easy for them. They have figured everything out. And as a coach, what I get to see is their humanity. I get to see behind the scenes. of a TV show, of a magazine cover, of an award. I get to see how these people that we all admire are human beings like you and I. And the beautiful thing about seeing someone's humanity is that they're like all of us, sometimes scared, sometimes doubtful, with not as much confidence as we would all think they have when we're seeing them from the outside.
And that's a precious gift for me because every day I get Reminded that we're all humans trying to do the best in this planet. And what I want to talk about today are those thoughts that are the hardest for my clients to share with me, that are the hardest for us to share with anyone else. And are those thoughts that really cause us pain?
Thoughts like, I'm not good enough. I don't belong. I think there's something wrong with me. I'm not worthy. I'm unlovable. The thoughts that when we think them and we believe them, we want to crawl in bed and crawl in a little ball and not move, or we want to hide, or we want to give up. Those thoughts are the ones I want to explore with all of you today.
When our brain presents us with this type of thoughts, it's easy for all of us to believe them, because when we think them, we have such a physical response. We feel profound sadness or shame, and our brain says, listen, if you're experiencing this, it's because this thought is real. is true. And these thoughts are so dangerous.
When we truly believe that we're unlovable or that we are unworthy, we allow others to mistreat us, sometimes even abuse us. We play small, we hide, we don't take opportunities that come towards us. These thoughts are the ones that keep us stuck, that keep us in suffering. Brené Brown says that if there's one thing she knows for sure, is that in the absence of love and belonging, They're suffering.
When we believe these thoughts, we're not good enough, we don't belong here, we're unworthy, we suffer. And when we start thinking these thoughts, we start finding evidence that those thoughts are true. We compare to others, we look at people that are more successful than us, or we saw people who achieve what we wanted to achieve when they were way younger.
Or who look much better physically, or who simply seem to have a perfect life. It seems like others have had a very easy path, and here we're stuck with our own insecurities, our own fears, our own self doubt, our own lack of success. Every time we go out into the world to look for evidence that we're not good enough or that we don't belong or that we're unworthy or unlovable, we find the evidence to prove that it's true.
So what we try to do is find evidence. evidence of the opposite. We try to say, look, here, I'm good enough because this is what I have achieved. This is what I can do. Here's how I shown up in these different circumstances. Or, you know what, I do belong because these people invited me to a dinner party, or they gave me this opportunity.
So the problem is that we start looking for outside evidence for an internal belief, either to prove that we're not good enough or to prove that we are good enough. Either way, we're stuck in a fight that we'll never win. Trying to justify why we're good enough, worthy, lovable, and that we belong is the wrong fight.
Because when we leave it up to external circumstances to determine how we feel inside, we're always going to be on the roller coaster of shame. By now you might be asking yourself, okay, if I'm not trying to prove why I do belong, why I am worthy, then what do I do? And my suggestion is that you step out of the fight and you simply make a decision that you are.
You make a choice to believe that you are worthy. You make the choice to believe that you are good enough, that you do belong, that you are lovable. This is one of the most important decisions we can make in our life. And it's a decision we have to commit to. We might have to make it every time. It might be easier sometimes.
There's days that we might wake up and say, I feel like I belong. And other days that we might feel, I don't belong. How do I commit to this decision? Like I said before, if we start looking for evidence of either belonging or not belonging, worthy or unworthiness, we're going to find it. So my suggestion is step out of the fight and make this decision.
today, right now, as you're listening to this podcast, and choose that that's what you're going to believe from now and onward. For me, some years ago, I really thought about this. How do I choose to believe that I am good enough and worthy? And what I thought was the miracle of life, the miracle of my life, everything that had to happen for me to be here.
Not only the mystery of how life started in this planet, evolution, all my ancestors, but even in the moment where my parents conceived me, I was one of millions who got chosen in that moment. The fact that I am alive today makes me worthy of being here. makes me lovable, makes me good enough. That was the evidence I found.
I was meant to be here. It's impossible that all these things happened and that my life is not worthy or that I don't belong. And I invite you to consider the same for you, because truly, if you're listening to me right now, it is the most Amazing miracle that we are in this planet today. And we can use that as evidence that we are good enough, that we are worthy, that we are lovable, and that we do belong.
When we choose to operate from disbelief, when we stop arguing with ourselves, when we step out of the fight all these beautiful things open to us. Number one, we're more able to take risks, because we know that even if we fail, we're going to have our back, we're not going to go into a shame spiral, because the most fundamental belief we've already chosen it.
We're more open to feedback, because even if feedback might sound uncomfortable, if we won't listen to that feedback as fighting with our worth. It's just something we can grow and be better at, so therefore we can learn and expand more. We become better at connecting to others, because we are more willing to open ourselves, to be who we are, to reveal our vulnerability, when we believe we are good enough.
We actually have the capacity to grow and improve because we can recognize I'm not good enough at golf yet. I'm not good enough at sales yet. I'm not good enough at whatever I'm doing yet. But that is different from the feeling of I am not good enough. good enough as a human being that when we look at our failures and we take 100 percent responsibility and we look at ourselves and like, yeah, I'm not good at this yet.
That is a sign of growth and self confidence. And it comes from believing that we as human beings are good enough. In fact, Adam Grant says high achievers crave feedback, not because they want to be told they're great, but because they're committed to getting better. And we can only do that. When the deepest wound we have as human beings is not there.
When we actually believe I can take all the feedback because I know I'm worthy of love and belonging because I know I belong here because I know that inside I'm just a human being who is new at something or who's doing something beyond our comfort zone and we're learning, making mistakes and growing.
But that is separate from our worth. So if by now I've sold you on the idea of like, I am going to commit, I'm going to make a decision right now that I am worthy. You might be asking yourself, but what do I do when things don't go my way, when my brain starts telling me that I'm not, when I'm having these self critical thoughts?
And my answer is learn to observe them. without engaging with them. So you can go to the part of your brain that is the thinker. You can actually look at the thoughts from that place. Create awareness of, Oh, right now I am telling myself that I'm not good enough. I am telling myself that I don't belong in this school, in this company, in this industry.
That is interesting. That's what my brain is seeing. And then remind yourself, but I've already decided That I do belong. Brené Brown did a lot of research on belonging. And she says she was amazed when she saw the results of her research. Because the difference between the people who belonged and those who didn't belong was that those who belonged believe they belong.
And that's what I'm inviting you to do today. to decide that you belong. And when your brain presents you with ideas of why you don't belong or you're not worthy, observe them. Don't, don't engage with them and remind yourself that you do. This is a practice. Even though I'm telling you to decide that today, and that is part of it, to make the decision today, the Living as if we belong, living knowing that we're worthy is a practice.
The more we do it with the years, the easier it gets. And what you're going to start experiencing is an inner peace and ease. Those thoughts of shame, of wanting to disappear are no longer there. Because when you're facing tough things, you have your own back. So even if it hurts, failure will always hurt, rejection will always hurt.
You're not going in a shame spiral. So you will get better. better with it, the more and more you practice. I made this decision several years ago and I've been practicing every day for many years and I really can see the difference. You know, I can really see how when failures happen, I can navigate them with ease.
And yet there are some days I wake up and it's like my brain has turned against me and I am in a shame spiral. So I'm going to give you one last tip. If you find yourself in that really dark place. Change your state. Do something with your body that is gonna move you into a different direction. Exercise, dance, take a shower, do jumping jacks, go outside, be in nature.
Do something to shift your entire state so you can actually start observing the thoughts just as thoughts instead of really engaging with them. To end our episode today, I'm gonna leave you with this quote from Brené Brown. When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.
If you're currently pursuing a big, bold idea and would love some support, let's talk. In my coaching program, I'll teach you how to manage yourself, your own thoughts and emotions, as well as your team and your money, so you can turn your beautiful idea into a reality. Go now to carosuleta. com slash consult.
That is carosuleta. com. That's C A R O Z U L E T A dot com slash consult and complete the form to book a complimentary call with me. See you there!
